I'm wide awake, it's morning

It's not quite morning. But it will be before I know it. And I am most certainly wide awake. Up at midnight, composing love songs to my favorite band as if they'd run out of juice to make their own cocktails. Offering to knit them earmuffs against my bad jokes. So a whale swims into a bar... What's a girl to do, with nothing on her mind but magic boyfriends and hope for happy sleep?

Worry about another restless night. Worry about the ozone layer and crazy sea lions in the mountains and microbial soup. Worry about cancer and strokes. Pap smears. Panic attacks. That's funny, let's all worry about having another panic attack. Isn't that, by definition, a panic attack?

The sun is on its way up and I'm slouched down in my bed wondering if we'll ever make it to Libra. If an FTL drive will ever be anything less fictional than a cylon. Forget about my cozy comforter, let us discuss the edge of the universe. Worm holes. The Bermuda Triangle.

When you are a kid, you can't fall asleep. There are monsters. In the closet, under the bed, behind the door. Waiting for you to fall asleep. Eat your brains. Oh wait, those are zombies. When you are a "grown-up", there are still monsters. Only they wait for you to wake up. Steal your time, your patience, your good thoughts. Either way, those monsters keep you from sleeping.

If I prop my eyelids open, the dark will last. I won't have marathon panic dreams or tossing fits. If I'm lucky I could find an X-Files episode to watch. Mulder would be the perfect company for this lonely conversation. Mulder, his neuroses, and his red speedo. Have you seen el chupacabra? Man, I hope that's not what is waiting for me to wake up.

Tick tock. Dark time is running out. Before I know it, the vampires will have wrapped up in their luxurious Kroner coffins and I'll be treading to work with a venti cup laced with my drug of choice, avoiding glances from all directions, especially from those I know. Off to have my time stolen by monsters with bad attitudes and magical disconnecting LANs.

I'm wide awake, and I'm mourning.



Well I could have been a famous singer
If I had someone else's voice
But failures always sounded better
Let's fuck it up, boys, make some noise