lost myself again

lyrics from Sia's "Breathe Me"

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
UNFOLD me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere else to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
UNFOLD me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me


Ahh! I can't stop bawling, I'm such a baby! I've got this song on repeat, just going round and round. And it's just amazing how other people's creations can affect you so, so very deeply, take you to a place inside that you cannot reach yourself. Breathless and cold, you are overwhelmed with emotion. If you have a listen to this song by itself, you may not know what I'm talking about. But if you've seen the last three episodes of Six Feet Under you might.

So sad, so wonderful, so amazing that I just don't want to let it go. It's like on those rare mornings where you wake up after a particularly dramatic dream and you just want to lay there with your eyes closed and revel in it for as long as you can, wrapping tight in your blankets as if you could somehow freeze each image and every emotion, even if it was about the end of the world because honestly, sometimes, dammit, it just feels so good to feel. To feel anything, be it happiness or utter grief. It feels freeing to take off from the runway after sitting for what feels like an eternity on the tarmac. It feels fucking fantastic to drop from the cliff after being suspended for so long, even if it's just those few moments before you hit the ground and the searing pain sets in.

Don't make me wake up.