Well huzzah, huzzah. I'll just throw back my legs and pollute my britches with delight.
I find it amusing, after I've posted a whole bunch of JU-hu-uNK, that I started this blog so I would force myself to write. Yet here I am posting three successive posts of things to waste my time with. I should write. But what? I (lamely) found this site of writing prompts, which include:
Write a 24-line poem as if you were a pirate searching for buried treasure. Unfortunately, the treasure wasn't exactly what you expected. Somewhere in your poem you must use the line: But inside the chest was (fill in the blank).
Seriously?! But inside the chest was a giant steaming cup of coffee and a donut. A chocolate glazed cake donut. Who knew all I really needed to diminish my lust for treasure was a sinfully delicious breakfast. Or... but inside the chest was a half pack of Marlboros and three nickels. Some asshole spent all the gold on cigarettes and didn't have the decency to leave a whole pack. Or... but inside the chest was another chest in another chest in another chest that held twenty five half-naked pictures of a 17-year-old. (By the way, the same evil mother who continues to be quoted about not letting her child see another Harry Potter movie is an utter spaz. Clearly the creepy allusions of the Moaning Myrtle bathtub scene went right over this woman's head. Give the kid a break, stupid people!)
Beyond my unexplained anger problem of a few days ago, nothing too exciting has been happening. I am quite boring, really. I found myself on the phone apologizing for my utter lack of news to report on. "That's okay," replied the other end, "I don't hold you to a minimum standard of entertainment." But when it goes so far as I am finding myself stale, what do I do? Because if I were bread, I'd be tossing myself in the trash right about now.
When my mother called and I told her I was knitting a sock, the most entertaining event of that particular day, she responded with laughter and accusations of me being pathetic. Although this may be true, one, I am not sitting here knitting socks for myself or my imaginary cat, they are for someone else who is neither imaginary nor feline, and two, I am also not putting together a jigsaw puzzle I cannot even see because my eyesight is failing because I am an old old woman, mother!
It's true though, the most exciting things I've got going for me are my socks, a new season of Jack Bauer, and a not-even-quite-a-sex dream about a male co-worker. And I have purchased a book entitled Yarn Harlot, which comes recommended, so I will have that to report on. Oh, and I'm currently devising a plot to document for my lurkers the wonder that is my roommate cycling in tight shorts in the middle of the living room. Exciting stuff, I know you are enthralled.
In all truthfulness, I am lying. I leave town Sunday for an all-expenses-paid-ala-your-good-tax-money-for-science trip to New Mexico. I haven't had the chance to be interesting in the past week because I've been too preoccupied with my presentation (that was raped mercilessly with red ink this very morning by the boss lady, but is now quite stunning if I may say so) and thoughts of hiking, photographing the desert, eating at restaurants for a week, biking around Santa Fe learning about the fantastic current science that is going on in the world out there. It will be nice to get away. If nothing else, I'm hoping the man who only wears skirts will be at this conference to provide me with a weeks worth of amusement.
5 comments:
Great stuff, B! Even when you're stale, you're still entertaining in your blogs. Nice shout out to Daniel...mmm.... ;-)
I'm sitting here at work bored, just wishing I could go and get my marketing (Yes, marketing!) book from my car and read it for the next hour and a half since I didn't do my reading for this week. There's nothing to do here, but meh, whatever. I might go and prepare for my sampling tomorrow. Perhaps I should actually go and write in my little blogger (check it out) haha!
Who is this man who only wears skirts? Is he real?
Oh, he is real! I don't know his name. He is an old old man who wears skirts... and pantyhose. I will investigate if he is there, perhaps there will be photo documentation. I saw him at the last one I went to. What makes it funny is that you can't quite call him a cross-dresser. He wears blazers and ties. With his skirts. And pantyhose.
I can vouch for the man who wears skirts. He definitely wears skirts. Also his talk was boring, and he used transparencies instead of power point.
Documenting his existence has just been prioritized on my list of things to do in NM. It falls in line approximately between learning lots of science and learning lots more science... because learning about science is the only thing on my list. That and going to the plankton art exhibit.
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