maybe you should get a venereal disease

This morning proved to be nothing short of craptastic. The worst bit is that I saw it coming. I knew the moment I got out of bed, I shouldn't have. It would be one of those days where deciding what to wear and putting on my shoes would be every bit a struggle as trying to joke with the Chinese guy I work with.

As I mentioned before, I walk to work. It was freezing this morning, so when I got near work, I decided to pick up the bus that takes me the last bit of the way to my building. Much like my decision to get out of bed, I knew this was a bad choice from the moment I began to wait for the next bus. I had a feeling I was going to have to wait longer than it would to walk the rest of the way. But it was too late to walk, because the second I left that stop, the bus would pull up and pass me. So I waited, I would not be defeated.

Only I was, because there were nine thousand hundred gazillion people on the bus. I thought I would be smart to be the first one on. Oh no, because nine thousand hundred gazillion more people got on after me. Thus me, crammed in the middle, my breasts in someone's face fortunate to get a seat and someone else's elbow crammed into my back. The second I got to my stop and made a move toward the door, the girl whose elbow had been so pleasantly wedged between my twelfth and thirteenth ribs (Yes, I am a freak of nature. Most humans only have twelve.) said to me in quite a snotty tone, "Oh, you're leaving? Thank God!" as if I were the reason she was packed in like cattle off to be slaughtered.

Like I said, I was having a shitty morning. Then I get to work and I am pelted with the gnawed bit of a carrot top as I'm enjoying a peaceful moment in my own office. The culprit was, of course, the only one you could suspect in such an instance - the goofball who works on my hall. One might normally be annoyed by being pelted by a masticated hunk of rubbish, but after my morning, it only made me laugh. It's hard to get pissed at a guy with such a devilish smile. Also, I chucked it back at him and did not miss.

This got me thinking about all the other random crap he's pulled...

At least once a week, he's in my office asking if I have any pretzels. More than once, I've been standing at the elevator, only to have my knee kicked from behind. One day, he called me a chuman, and another, he randomly told me I should get gonorrhea... the giant microbe.

My all-time favorite run in with him is, hands down, the day I went to talk to my boss and her and I met outside his office. My boss and I were conversing for a minute or so before I noticed her staring in horror at my chest. I thought for a second I'd had a wardrobe malfunction until I heard a snicker coming from the goofball's office. He had been shining a laser pointer at my bosom. Shocked, I said "What the heck are you doing?!" His response was "practicing."