Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling.
I am about to start on my third cup of coffee and it's only 11:40am. I need this third cup for comfort. Things are not going my way. Last week, the gods were on my side. This week, they've very obviously forsaken me. The machine I use at work, after several weeks of error-free operations, is on the fritz again. Not to mention, I have been fucking up the simplest of tasks and crapping all over experiments. My roommate has been driving me up a wall, or more accurately, into the seclusion of my room. I talked myself into going to a party alone, then at the last minute chickened out like the loner loser I am, but not until AFTER I walked by the giant window between their fun and my shame. My face has suddenly refused to stop cultivating giant puss volcanoes. And most annoyingly, I spent my Christmas money to go to the chiropractor twice a week for a month and yet my neck feels just as twisted and contorted as it does when I don't go at all. So yes, I am going to drink this third cup of coffee. Coffee never lets me down, oh tried and true friend of mine it is!
Oh my god, what the fuck did I just put in my mouth?! This coffee is awful. Sludge in a cup. Burnt sludge with creamer in an attempt to cover up the sludginess. Maybe I should just off myself before something else gets the chance.
I compiled a soundtrack for days like these, days where every little thing is a purposeful ploy to ruin your day, appropriately titled "I Hate Everything." I made it for a friend, who then recommended it back to me, saying "It really helps. My day is shitty and then I listen to it and I feel better." So I have been listening to the soundtrack-o-hate, perhaps a bit too much. Because, much like caffeine, I've built up resistance to its magical powers.
So here I am. Coffee has abandoned me and my hate music has betrayed me. I am left with nothing but anger. Pure, bubbling, vehement, white hot anger. I've been having a Dr. Cox-like problem with that lately. (First let me take a moment to enjoy the fact that, not only IS Dr. Cox on wikipedia, but if you google "Dr. Cox", the wikipedia entry is the first item you get. AAAAAHAHA!!) It's there, constantly, just under the surface, lurking until something trivial causes it to erupt, much like my face. Maybe I should start drinking lots of scotch, telling people they're going to die, and calling all the ladies by men's names (because I don't know any boys - eww grody!). I REE-hee-HEE-hee-HEALLY think that just might make my day a bit brighter, Charlotte!
PSSST! The Rock Lobster and I are totally playing internet scavenger hunt here. Come join!
PSSST PSSST! For more hilarious catball and clowngirl comics, go here.
4 comments:
May I just say a couple of things:
(a) This whole entry? Is so close to my sentiments these days, it's creepy.
(b) I too have been of such an icky temperment lately that I have taken up cursing like a sailor. Especially when I play our Wii. So much, in fact, that Josh (who is not shy about swearing himself) has asked me to please, please stop cursing because the neighbors might start complaining.
(c) Can you hook me up with the soundtrack of hate? My labmates screwed me over this morning, so I am full of rage and it might help.
(d) Your title is one of my most favorite Scrubs quotes of all time.
That is all. I think. Must go play interweb scavenger hunt now.
you have to hide that cd from yourself and then find it in a couple of weeks, it will be better, do not do the same with coffee, you just need better coffee, and I resent your use of the word grody, or anybody else's use of that word for that matter
Hey check it out: grody.
Hee!
Haha! Anonymous?! I know who you are, you can't fool me. I LOVE YOU!
To the Rock Lobster:
(a)Creepy. I told you I was writing something very similar. (b)Does Josh think the neighbors will think you are fighting with each other? "Fucking pins, I will get you. You're going down! And Zelda, fuck you too, you whore!" HAHA!
(c)Yes. Sunday? Back to the Urban Grind? My sock has still not made it to 8 inches.
(d)Mine too. I laughed so very very hard when I first heard it. I think my second favorite is when JD is carrying around the notebook with the unicorn on it and someone calls it such but JD responds "It's not a unicorn. It's a horse with a sword on its head to guard my hopes and dreeeeeams."
Post a Comment